Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
