Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
