so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
