I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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