can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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