It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
