Apparently you make a good broom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
