some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
