he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
