god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to calm my uterus...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
