So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
