Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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