ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
