We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
