She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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