A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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