We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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