I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
