there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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