why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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