he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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