i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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