You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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