I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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