my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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