i was born a porn star she said
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
