OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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