lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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