I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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