So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
