he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
