When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
