btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
kristin has been a bad kristin
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
