these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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