She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
