She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
