GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
