i permit you to call me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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