So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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