We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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