so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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