ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
