One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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