Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
