The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
