There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We smell like vodka and hangover
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