When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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