Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
