Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
