Just fell off a train. Bad.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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